Not Going Down Without a Fight

So, the week we moved, we started Aaron on formula. As sad as it makes me, I am happy that I was able to supply all breast milk for him for 5 months (with Ben, I started supplementing at 3 months; when I went back to work). For that, I am thankful. Unfortunately, as soon as we started formula, I dried up quick!! It was a matter of weeks before we was formula all day. I'm really, really disappointed. I think I'm just very stressed out right now - I'm super busy at work and I was missing my daily appointments to pump. I reduced my appointments to two a day because I was feeling awful when I'd pump and get 2 oz. At least twice a day it seemed like I was getting a little more. Moving was a stress (although J.R. definitely had the brunt of it) and I'm stressed about finances as our rent is now higher, and J.R.'s unemployment runs out very soon. Stress reeks havoc on my body, so I think that was a big part of it.



However, I'm not going down without a fight. Two Fridays ago, Aaron was up twice overnight. I nursed him the first time he got up, and just knew that was going to be the last time. It was very sad for me, but at the same time, I felt OK. Then Sunday we were out, and he was hungry, so I tried to nurse him to see if that would calm him while the bottle warmed. He seemed OK. Monday I went pumpless to work. Tuesday morning I woke up and my t-shirt was a little wet on one side, then I saw a drop of milk on the other side after my shower. I took my pump to work and got 4.5 oz!! I was thrilled - literally dancing! That was the last time I pumped, which I have to say, does not make me sad. Since then, I have nursed Aaron three times. I'm not sure how much he got, but at least once, he had milk dripping down his cheek, and two nights ago he almost fell asleep. So, he is at least getting enough to hold him over until a bottle warms. This makes me happy!



Again, I'm happy I went all breast milk for 5 months, but I'm disappointed it took only weeks to go all formula. There were many days at the beginning I thought of how it would be so much simpler to not breastfeed. I was tired in the middle of the night and wanted help. I was sore and felt like I couldn't do anything else. I knew I just had to work through it. I did, and now, I'll miss it so much.



We started rice cereal over the weekend. He's not a huge fan, but we'll work on it. On the bright side...he's sleeping through the night!